PERILS OF PREDILECTION
The first of a three-part series devoted to
The fine art of choosing your restaurant repast
Aperitif in hand, let us assume that you have settled comfortably into your restaurant surroundings. You are now ready for the formidable challenge of actually ordering your meal. In this regard, that peculiar document known as the "menu" may be of invaluable assistance... or entirely superfluous, depending upon the eatery in question.
I say this because many establishments, particularly those of the upper crust, continue to indulge in the infuriating practice of rattling off a list of daily specials -- often sans prices -- that is a good deal longer and more complex than the printed menu itself. If this should occur, you are perfectly within your rights to interrupt this noble recitation whenever you please and interrogate your server with regard to methods of preparation, ingredients, prices, etc. Other than affording members of the wait staff opportunity to improve their memories (and assorted foreign accents) this exercise in loquacious futility serves no useful purpose.
The asking of pertinent questions, on the other hand, DOES serve an extremely useful purpose. First of all, even if your server isn't the brightest bulb on the culinary circuit, the answers served up should provide adequate information to enable you, the diner, to make a series of enlightened gastronomic decisions. Secondly, should your questions be sufficiently intelligent and incisive, they will swiftly communicate to your (possibly less than swift) wait person that you know your way about and will not easily be placated with the standard line of operating bull.
As noted above, questions regarding methods of preparation, various and sundry ingredients, and prices (should they not be specified) are always germane... as are those pertaining to the state of health of certain comestibles.
Thalassic creatures of whatever genus/species, for example, are the most perishable of all restaurant rations. Therefore, a pointed query regarding the delivery schedule of various items piscatorial is a completely appropriate one. Indeed, in less reputable eateries, it is not uncommon for finny friends that don't fair well as entrées one week to be reincarnated as appetizers the next. One proprietor of a now (thankfully) defunct den of iniquity once let it slip that the swordfish being offered to patrons as preparatory fodder had already seen seven days and nights in his kitchen. Unless you are absolutely certain of a restaurants integrity, any fish that is given a guest shot as a highly-touted appetizer should immediately be suspect. When it doubt, it's always wise to take a bye.
I cannot emphasize strong enough that the purpose of playing culinary Q & A is informational ONLY. Attempting to engage your waiter/waitress in semantic warfare is not only a colossal waste of time, it also doesn't do a great deal for your image at table.
If you have visited an establishment on a regular basis, and have done a little homework, ordering should hold no particular terrors. If this is your initial venture into an unknown eatery, however, you would do well to tread somewhat lightly until all the gastronomic votes are in. Ordering circumspectly will not only enhance your chances of a superior dining experience, it will also provide important clues that may come in handy during subsequent visits.
Soup, for instance, is always an excellent starter and a good test of the chef's abilities. It is infinitely more indicative of his/her strengths/weakness than is some fancy-schmancy appetizer that requires an absolute minimum of creativity. A hit here is a harbinger of good things to come. To a lesser extent, homemade pâtés and pastas also perform a similar function...
TO BE CONTINUED...go to Part II
Bon Appétit!
