I cannot tell a lie... my wife made me do it. We had dined at
the Columbia Bar and Grille on a number of previous occasions and had
never been terribly impressed; so I wasn't particularly anxious to return to
the scene of the crime, so to speak. But -- in the interest of research and reviewing
-- my wife prevailed. Off we went.
Several years ago, as you may recall, the Columbia
was the object of some mighty spiffy sprucing up -- alas, if only you could
eat the décor...
But the first indication that all may not bode well is the
host. The establishment is currently celebrating its 115th
anniversary as a dining establishment, and this gentleman may very well have
been present at its inception. Sporting a loud plaid suit, contrasting striped
tie, and conspicuous toupee, he escorts you to table with the lugubrious air of
a moonlighting funeral director. But take heart... this could very well be the
high point of your evening -- it certainly will not be the service, which is
amateur night at its best...
Nor, as noted above, will it be the cuisine. While lunch and
Sunday brunch certainly might be considered acceptable, dinner offerings may
only be described as ponderous with a capital "P"; and several of the items
sampled were very nearly beneath contempt. The "Retro Iceberg Wedge" ($8.00),
for example, is all the rage of late, but Columbia's representative
hardly distinguishes itself. It is nicely plated, but the wedge looks a bit
tired around the edges, as do the cucumber slices and rings of red onion. In
addition, the menu trumpeted homemade blue cheese dressing could use infinitely
more pizzazz -- and there isn't enough of it.
The vegetable spring rolls ($9.00) are thick & doughy
and lack the crispy character so indicative of this particular genre... and the
bland-leading-the-bland interior hardly ameliorates the situation. The only
saving grace is the Thai chili sauce -- but it is still insufficient to snatch
the thrill of victory from the agony of defeat.
When it comes to entrées, piscatorial selections are
something of an anomaly. The grouper ($27.00) is obviously of the highest
quality, but it meets its demise beneath a cumbersome tortilla crust; and the
promised tequila-lime butter is conspicuous by its absence. The salmon ($22.00)
is an infinitely better choice, but, like the grouper, it is accompanied by a
generic rice pilaf and combo of mushy green beans & overcooked broccoli.
Of the side dishes sampled, the creamed spinach ($6.00) was
simply terrible, and the baked macaroni & Cheddar ($7.00) completely
tasteless.
The highlight of the evening was the only dessert item made
in house: a cream cheese-blueberry pudding ($7.00), which was quite good. Skip
the espresso, however, as it was totally insipid.
Bottom line: The restaurant's single claim to fame is the
fact that, as of April 2nd, it is totally smoke free. So feel free
to stop in for a preprandial libation at the cozy bar... and then dine elsewhere.
The Artful Diner
April 2008
The Artful Diner Diner is a freelance food writer who writes restaurant reviews for nj.com. His latest review can be seen on his nj.com weblog at http://blog.nj.com/artful_diner/. An archive of past reviews for nj.com as well as reviews for restaurants around the country and the world can be found on this Web site at http://www.artfuldiner.com/reviews .
