CHOW-DOWN CHECKMATES
The second of a three-part series devoted to
The fine art of taking one's restaurant leave with style
Part II: The Battle of the Bill
That mysterious rite commonly known as the presentation of the bill affords diners one final opportunity to muck up an otherwise successful enterprise -- and most do.
For starters, the check should in no wise put in an appearance at your table until it is SPECIFICALLY requested. What generally takes place however, is that your Speedy Gonzales, positively champing at the bit to relieve him/herself of all future responsibility on your behalf, deposits the aforementioned document at your elbow at some point in time conveniently located between the arrival of dessert and your second sip of espresso. With a few subtle variations, his/her immortal words may be very well etched in stone: "There's no hurry... I'll take that whenever you're ready..."
If this melodramatic scene should be played out in your presence, you are perfectly within your rights to take your server's utterances as Gospel. In other words, carry on with whatever it is you're doing (including a spirited game of "kneesies" with your spouse/significant other), studiously ignoring the bill and the furtive glances that may be cast in your direction. Also, feel free to order as many supplemental items as you may desire. The subsequent pecuniary conundrum this unexpected turn of events may present to your PDQ waiter/waitress is definitely NOT your concern. Perhaps Speedy won't be quite so quick on the draw the next time 'round.
One final (and extremely important) point... When you do eventually decide to settle up, you and you alone are responsible for ascertaining the method of payment appropriate to a given establishment. Finding your pocket bereft of cash or checkbook, and in possession of unacceptable plastic, is certain to be a major embarrassment for all concerned. Needless to say, you hardly distinguish yourself by allowing the restaurant to hold your spouse/significant other for ransom while you play hide-and-seek with an elusive ATM.
Should you entertain any doubts with regard to this matter, the time to dispel them is at the moment of reservation.
TO BE CONTINUED...Go to Part III
Bon Appétit!
